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GREAT TRUTHS

 
 


  GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
 

 
  1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

2) When your
Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister
hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the  second person.

4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a
tomato.

5) You can't trust
dogs to watch your food.

6) Don't
sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

7) Never hold a
Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

8) You can't hide a piece of
broccoli in a glass of milk.

9) Don't wear
polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

10) The best place to be when you're sad is
Grandpa's lap.
 
 



GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
 

 
  1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

2)
Wrinkles don't hurt.


3) Families are like
fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.


4) Today's mighty
oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.


5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like
jogging on the inside.


6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the
fiber, not the toy.
 
 



GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
 

 
  1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2) Forget the
health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.


3) When you fall
down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.


4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a
rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.


5) It's frustrating when you know all the
answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.


6) Time may be a great
healer, but it's a lousy beautician.


7)
Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
 
 



THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
 

 
  1)  You believe in Santa Claus.

2) 
You don't believe in Santa Claus.


3)  You are
Santa Claus.


4) 
You look like Santa Claus.
 
 



SUCCESS:
 

 
  At age  4  success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . having
friends.


At age 16 success is . . . having a
drivers license.


At age 20 success is . . . 
 having a girlfriend that thinks you a really good looking      

At age 35 success is . . . having
money.


At age 50 success is . . . having
money.


At age 60 success is . . . 
 having a girlfriend that thinks you are really good looking 

At age 70 success is . . . having a
drivers license.


At age 75 success is . . . having
friends.


At age 80 success is . . . not
peeing in your pants.
 
 

 
 

Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way BUT never forget to remember the blessings that come each day.
 

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